What Was I Thinking?

Come for the intellectual self-humiliation, stay for the accidental insight.

We’ve all done it.

You look back on yourself a few days, weeks or months ago, and wonder why the fuck you ever thought that item of clothing/life decision/choice of condom/sexual partner/haircut/piece of writing was a good idea.

The answer? Because you didn’t record what you were thinking at the time, and so all you’re left with is the unfortunate consequences of the decision, and embarrassment at the person you were when you made it - along with the creeping feeling that some time in the immediate future, another version of you - equally smug, delusional, believing themselves more enlightened than the current model - will be looking down its nose at you, September 2021 version, and some other dire choice you’ve made.

That’s the problem with the whole ‘growth mindset’ thing - you’re always condemned to see your old self as some sort of intellectual midget next to the giant of the now.

As someone who is almost perpetually embarrassed by the decisions I made and things I have said or thought only a few minutes ago - and someone who, let’s be clear, will no doubt regret setting up this fucking substack in a few moments - I’ve decided to pin my colours to the mast.

There is no history of unwritten ideas, but there is also not enough attention given to bad decisions and thinking and how they are arrived at. This is, simply put, an attempt to keep myself honest by tracking my thinking in public, and potentially to explore other highly erroneous thinking so that we might all avoid it in future.

Fuck you future Hinesy, you smug and self-righteous prick. Judge me all you want, but at least now you’ll have the answer to the question that always comes up when you look back: WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Sign up, join me, and let the erroneous thinking and psychological torment ensue.

In the meantime, tell your friends!